


Another Slice of Cheese

by westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2001-07-07
Updated: 2001-07-07
Packaged: 2019-05-15 15:45:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,987
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14793365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist/pseuds/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist
Summary: Sam and Josh have a little fun, and they get a little punishment.





	Another Slice of Cheese

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

 

ANOTHER SLICE OF CHEESE  
Author: Dis  
Rating: PG  
Spoilers... All Mallory episodes, The Crackpots and These Women, and   
Somebody's Going to Emergency...  
Summary: Sam and Josh have a little fun, and they get a little   
punishment  
Author's Notes: To the Sirens, who encourage me to write. This   
story has got definite Sam/Mal, but other than that I'm not promising   
anything good. (The underlying statement there is that if it's   
Sam/Mal, then it has to be good. *g*) This is also dedicated to the   
DC 2002 project. I had this idea when I was completely bumming about   
having to go into my mother's high school and help her set up the   
labs, so if you don't like the story, you should blame it on her.   
Special thanks to Flip, the bestest online pal ever to log on. The   
idea was developed when we sat there joking about it... see Flip? You   
shouldn't joke about things like this... it encourages me to write!  
Feedback: I'm considering perhaps doing a sequel, so let me know one   
way or the other... it'd really help here. *g* 

 

 

 

Sam Seaborn looked at his best friend and partner in   
crime. "Well?" he asked expectantly. 

Josh surveyed the object in front of them. "Yeah, we're   
good," he replied. 

"Good," Sam grinned. 

"But I still say we should make a horse," Josh started out,   
but was interrupted by Sam's groan. 

"Josh. No horse. It is three AM. We have staff in five   
hours. We have to get there to put this in the room before anyone   
sees us. I am *not* taking the time to sculpt a horse out of   
*cheese*." Sam fixed his friend with a hard stare. 

"Fine," Josh relented. "But no one's gonna know who it is." 

"Who do we talk about every year on Big Block of Cheese Day?" 

"Andrew Jackson." 

"Who had a two ton block of cheese in the foyer of the White   
House?"  


"Andrew Jackson." 

"Whose administration does Leo McGarry want model Big Block   
of Cheese Day after?" 

"Andrew Jackson's." 

"When you see a hunk of cheese, what's the first thing that   
comes to mind?" 

"I'm lactose intolerant." 

"You're a pain the a�" 

"Fine, fine! No horse!" Josh threw up his hands in   
defeat. "So, you're gonna bring this in tomorrow morning?" 

"Me? Me? How did this go from us to me?" 

"That was my amazingly strategic political mind working   
overtime to get me what I wanted... namely, another hour's sleep.   
Thanks, man, you're the best. Can't wait to see the look on Leo's   
face... they're all gonna roll laughing." With that, Josh grabbed his   
jacket and was out the door. Sam let out a sigh and looked back to   
the cheese sculpture of Andrew Jackson. Josh was right; if everyone   
in the room hadn't known all about Big Block of Cheese Day and Leo's   
obsession with Andrew Jackson, there was no way this statue would be   
recognizable. Of course, neither of then were hired to be   
sculptors. Picking up the...well, it was a stretch to call it anything   
more than a stick figure with a sword, he grabbed his own coat and   
left the office to get a few hours shut eye. 

~*~*~*~  


The next morning C.J. walked into the Roosevelt Room, looked   
up from the conversation she was having with Toby, and started   
laughing. Toby, who was behind her when she suddenly stopped,   
grumbled at her, "C.J. you need to lay off the coffee." 

Unable to speak, C.J. merely stepped aside and pointed at the   
cheese...thing on the middle on the conference table. At the base,   
there was a little placard that read, "Andrew Jackson, in cheese,   
Josh Lyman." Even Toby afforded himself a chuckle when he saw it. 

"I just can't believe he was stupid enough to sign it,   
though," he muttered to C.J. 

"This is *Josh* we're talking about," she reminded him. Toby   
merely nodded his consent. Evidently the Deputy Chief of Staff *was*   
that stupid. Shaking his head, he took his place across the table   
from C.J. 

Soon after other members of the Senior Staff and a few   
assistants piled in. When Sam walked in, he glanced around, looking   
for both Josh and to see if anyone else suspected anything other than   
Josh being Josh. To his relief, the answers to both questions seemed   
to be negative. 

Leo stopped in Josh's office. "Hey," he said. 

Josh looked up and grinned at his boss. "Good morning Leo!" 

"Aren't we chipper this morning," Leo replied, not caring all   
that much. "You coming to staff?" 

"Of course I am!" He picked up a few folders and followed   
Leo out of the office and over to the Roosevelt Room. He had wanted   
to be one of the first in to see the reaction, but he was going to   
have live with watching them all through staff, while each of them   
tried to figure out who the mystery sculptor could have been. This   
was definitely one of his better ideas, he thought. Not watching   
where he was walking, he walked straight into Leo, who had come to a   
short stop at the entrance of the room. 

Leo slowly took one step forward and turned to glare at   
Josh. "What the hell is this?" 

"I'm sorry, Leo. I wasn't watching where I was going..." he   
replied, confused as to why Leo was so upset over it. 

"I work very hard on that speech, fine-tuning it each year to   
best inspire you people to do what we were sent here to do! You   
people don't realize what a difference that one day a year makes in   
the polls... we get the support of the crazy amateurs and the lunatic   
mapmakers all in one day, just by *acting* interested! I don't give   
a damn about shark cartilage either, but that person who made it to   
the West Wing of the White House for a meeting will definitely vote   
for us in November because we took the time to care for him. You are   
reassuring yourself of a job for four more years... that is, if you   
even make it to re-election!" 

During this scolding, Josh dared to look at the table. To   
his horror, he saw his own handwriting and signature proclaiming the   
cheese statue to be his. With a fierce glare, he turned to glower at   
his now former best friend. Sam, on the other hand, was doing a fine   
job of examining his pen and trying to ignore the eyeballs boring a   
hole in the back of his neck. 

"It.�it was just a joke Leo... we did it to be funny. We   
didn't mean any disrespect," Josh said, trying to emphasize the `we'. 

"We? Who the hell else?" 

"Sam!" Josh exclaimed, finally able to get a little   
revenge. He noted with satisfaction Sam's head snap up, but was   
surprised to see a look of innocence and shock on the face of the co-  
conspirator. 

Leo snorted. "I don't know why he's friends with you, Josh.   
If I were him I would have sent you shipping to the South Pacific   
long ago. I must admit though, I am a little surprised at your   
audacity in signing your own name." Leo glared around the room, and   
noticed the other staffers trying not to laugh. "You're all on my   
list now." Leo smiled in satisfaction at the sudden groaning heard   
throughout the room. "Just remember to thank Josh for this." 

~*~*~*~*~ 

About a week later, Margaret walked in and dropped a memo on   
Sam's desk. 

"What's this?" he asked the tall redhead. 

"Leo's calling it, `Another Slice of Cheese'. He's having a   
meeting in a half an hour to explain the assignments." 

Sam tried not to groan. "He's making us do Big Block of   
Cheese Day twice a year from now on?" 

Margaret shook her head. "Oh no. This is much different."   
She grinned, and Sam could almost swear it was an evil grin. He just   
put his head down on the desk and decided to hope the meeting never   
came. 

~*~*~*~*~ 

Back at her desk, Margaret was sorting through the   
assignments. Next to the file folders, she had a hat, and the names   
of each senior staffer would was going to be assigned a `Slice of   
Cheese' assignment. Picking a name out of a hat, she wrote that   
staffer's name on the top of the folder. "Hm," she said with a   
grin. So Toby would be going out and helping at a local fair for   
underprivileged kids. "I want pictures if he's assigned to be the   
clown," she muttered to herself. Just then Leo's door opened. She   
quickly put the hat under the table. 

"Did you assign Josh to anything yet?" he asked. Margaret   
just shook her head. "Good," he continued. "Then this is for him."   
He handed her a folder and went back inside. 

Looking inside at the assignment, Margaret had to put her   
hand over her mouth to keep her from laughing out loud. Josh was   
assigned to help pick up all the garbage and clean graffiti in the U   
Street Corridor. "Maybe I can get him to get me a bowl of Ben's   
Chili," she wondered aloud as she wrote Josh's name on the folder. 

The phone rang, and Margaret answered it absently, suddenly   
hungry for Ben's world famous Chili. "Leo McGarry's office." 

"Hey Margaret," a familiar voice responded. 

"Hi Mal, how are you?" she asked warmly. 

"I'm good thanks. How are you?" 

"Doing well. You want to talk to your father?" 

"Actually... I wanted to talk to you. Dad told me about the   
newest addition to the Cheese Day thing. Are you the one doling out   
the assignments?" 

"Yeah," she grinned. "Your father definitely could be   
brought up for cruel and unusual punishment." 

"Especially for one particular speechwriter..." Mal drifted off. 

"Why? Does he have a special assignment for Sam?" Margaret   
started looking, fairly sure she had only gotten a special folder for   
Josh. 

"No. I do." 

Margaret chuckled. "Well, tempting as that sounds, I don't   
really want to get in the middle of you and Sam..." 

"Oh, you would just be matching the appropriate staffer with   
the appropriate assignment," Mallory said, quoting her   
father. "There should be a file there with the assignment to go to   
Clearlake. Can you make sure that Sam gets that?" 

"Did you ask for that assignment to be put in?" 

"Actually, I had nothing to do with it. I wasn't even going   
to be here on Saturday. But Jeannie, another teacher was, and she   
was the one who had put the request in and told me about it. Now it   
turns out she's going away for the weekend, and she asked me to cover   
this for her. I told her I would... and I want to make sure I get the   
most cooperative member of Senior Staff." 

"And that wouldn't be C.J.?" 

"I don't have the power over C.J. that I have over Sam." 

"Oohh," Margaret said with a grin. "Well, I never was one to   
get in the way of a blossoming romance..." 

"So you'll do it?" Mallory asked, excited. 

"Sure." 

"Thank you so much Margaret! And oh, uhm, one more thing...   
would it be possible not to mention this to my father?" 

Margaret laughed. "You got it Mal. You'll see Sam at   
Clearlake on Saturday." 

~*~*~*~*~ 

Underneath Leo's speech about the reason this administration   
was put in office, which was namely to serve those who most needed   
the government's help, there was a steady chorus of groans. On one   
side of the table Josh alternated between groaning the loudest and   
shooting death looks at Sam. Sam, on the other hand was so   
completely shocked by his assignment that he was unable to do   
anything other than stare at what was written in the file in front of   
him: 

Assignment: Assist teachers in cleaning out the classrooms   
for the end of the year and helping to move the equipment needed for   
next year.  
Location: Clearlake Elementary School  
Report to: Mallory O'Brien, Rm. 204 

He wanted to just cry. How did Leo know that he had been in   
on it? How was he being punished so cruelly? He didn't get a   
lecture... he just had to spend a day with the woman who most detested   
him in this world. Well, ok, he knew that wasn't true. But he also   
knew how pissed Mallory was... pissed enough to date a hockey player.   
If they were moving around equipment, chances are she would bring him   
along to help with the heavy stuff. "Well, this is bad on so many   
levels," he murmured softly to himself. 

"I'm sorry Sam, what did you say?" Leo asked sharply. 

Sam just looked up at his boss silently, asking him `why'   
with his eyes. He couldn't even speak. He felt like he had just   
been thrown to the wolves. 

Leo just stared back, wondering what was so horrible with   
Sam's assignment that he had turned so pale, or looked so upset. He   
made a mental note to ask Margaret what Sam was going to be doing   
this weekend on his assignment. 

~*~*~*~*~ 

Sam went through the rest of the week completely unlike his   
normal self. He was quiet and withdrawn. Toby started to ask him   
about it once, but realized he really didn't want to hear a big sob   
story about Sam's teddy bear, or whatever it was that had gotten him   
so upset. C.J. asked once, and after she had been given a   
sullen, "Nothing," decided there was nothing more she could do. Josh   
was still completely pissed at Sam for framing him. 

Leo noticed all this. He kept meaning to ask Sam what was   
wrong, but at the end of every meeting, something else would come up   
that required his complete attention. 

And so the week passed, Sam completely dreading his   
assignment for Saturday. He thought more than once about quitting.   
After all, it was obvious that his boss hated him. And so did Josh,   
but that was just Josh's tough luck. That will serve Josh right for   
blaming him for the fire. Glancing up at the clock, Sam saw that it   
was 9pm on Friday. It was time to go home. He slowly got up and   
dragged himself out of the office, suddenly wondering if in Josh's   
string theory, if you could pull out one piece of string and stop   
that event from occurring. 

~*~*~*~*~ 

Mallory was lying in bed, completely restless. Although she   
hated to admit it to herself, she was very excited about the   
following morning. The last time she had seen Sam, at the Kennedy   
Center, all the feelings she thought had managed to suppress came   
pouring over her again. She had it bad for Sam Seaborn. And as much   
as she liked to think he would be an awful guy to date, she had to   
admit that those gentle loving eyes told her differently each time. 

She loved the way he would argue with her. She loved his   
absolute passion for what he did, his sense of perfectionism with   
something as insignificant as a birthday card�message, she corrected   
herself in her head. "No matter what I do, I just can't stop   
thinking about him," she told her stuffed animal, Leonard the Liberal   
Lion. 

With a sigh, and realizing that sleep was not coming anytime   
soon, she rolled over and snapped on the radio. Rotating through all   
of her favorite stations, she found that they were all playing sappy   
love songs. She sighed again and snapped the radio off. "I would   
count sheep, but I'm half afraid they'd turn into Sam's jumping a   
fence." The thought made her chuckle, and she relaxed a bit, enough   
to fall into a light, yet dream-filled sleep. 

~*~*~*~*~ 

"Steve! Could you *please* just move the scales where I   
asked?" Mallory shouted Saturday morning to the teacher who was   
moving the scales everywhere *but* where she asked. "I'm never   
letting Jeannie con me into this again," she muttered. 

"Con you into what?" Mal spun around at the familiar voice,   
and worked very hard not to grin. 

"Nice of you to show up," she commented. 

"I'm sorry. I was.. uh... polishing a speech," Sam stammered.   
Actually, what he was doing was driving to the White House, ready to   
tell them he quit. He couldn't stand the idea of working with people   
who hated him so much that they found this situation amusing. But he   
just couldn't go through with it. He figured he would just suffer   
through this one day and be done with it. After that, he never had   
to see her again. 

"Y'know, you're a crappy liar, Sam." She gazed at him   
intently. He not only lied like crap, but he looked it, as well.   
But there was something else, something more to it than that. He   
looked... well, he looked like this was the last place on earth he   
wanted to be. He looked pretty miserable. She pulled him off to the   
side. "Y'know, we're doing pretty well here right now. You really   
don't need to stay. Why don't you go home, take a Saturday off for a   
change? When my father asks I'll tell him you were here the whole   
day." When she saw the look on his face, she lightly placed her hand   
on his arm. "Really. It's ok. Go home." 

For an entire week Sam had been stressing out about this day,   
and how much his coworkers must hate him in order to give him this   
assignment. Now, Mallory, who, if you asked *anyone* would tell you   
how much she hated Sam, was trying to let him off the hook? He   
didn't buy it. Not for a second. And what's more, he had had it   
with people screwing with his head. 

"Y'know what? Don't do me any *favors*," he told her   
harshly. "I'm so sick of being the butt of everyone's jokes. So sue   
me. I screwed up. Doesn't everyone? I should have called, Mal, I   
see that now. But I didn't. And I'm sorry. And one day you are   
going to have to forgive me for that, because, quite honestly, it's   
*sick* they way you people use that just screw with me. And yeah.   
I'll leave. But it's only to drive straight to the White House and   
type up my resignation." With that, he turned on his heel, shaking   
his head and muttering to himself. 

Mallory stood there, dumbfounded. She had no idea what just   
happened. She was trying to be nice. She thought that he must have   
given up on her. And, she had realized sadly, she deserved it. But...   
she never meant for this to happen... Sam was halfway across the room   
before she realized he was really leaving, and she had better do   
something. "Sam, wait!" She yelled, rushing after him. 

"Sorry, Mallory. Too little, too late." He wanted to slow   
down, but he didn't. He just couldn't subject himself to the pain of   
rejection, again. 

Mal caught up with him just as he reached the door. She   
grabbed onto his arm, and with all the strength she had, she spun him   
around to face her. "No. I listened to you, now you listen to me.   
I was trying to be nice. I had no intention of screwing you over.   
You looked like this was the last place you wanted to be. I asked   
Margaret to give you this assignment because I wanted to have an   
excuse to see you. If you are over me, then that's fine, I'll have   
to learn to deal. But I can't stand the thought of you walking out   
that door thinking I was trying to screw you. That was honestly the   
last thing on my mind." She sighed sadly. "Really. Go if you want...   
but don't quit. Please. They need you. I will cover for you." 

Sam merely stared at her, completely uncertain as to what to   
say. He tried to process everything she had just told him. 

"You�you asked Margaret to give me this assignment?" He   
asked, trying not to sound hopeful at the prospect. 

She nodded. "Yeah. And..." She shrugged. "Never mind." 

"No, wait. What?" 

"And even though it didn't say it on the assignment sheet, I   
was kinda hoping we could go to dinner afterwards." 

"All the teachers?" 

"No." She rolled her eyes. He could be really dense when he   
wanted to be. 

"You mean... you and me?" 

"Yeah. You and *I*, oh speechwriter." 

He grinned in spite of himself. "Yeah. You and I." 

"Was that a yeah to the grammar, or a yeah to the dinner?" 

His smile broadened. "Both." 

Mallory let out a breath she didn't realize she had been   
holding. "Well, good then." 

"But..." 

"But?" She raised her eyebrows. There were conditions to her   
taking him out to dinner? 

"But I need to know that I'm not going to be sitting in my   
office heartbroken again." 

"Well, if you just lay off the call girls, we shouldn't have   
a problem." 

"I'm serious, Mallory. I'm not saying this relationship has   
to work out, or that it has to be a forever, all-or-nothing kind of   
deal. I'm saying... I'm saying... just don't shut me out again. When I   
make a mistake, let me know. I don't want to ruin this before it   
gets started, but I'm not about to be played." 

Mallory looked up to see soft blue eyes that were trying to   
forget the pain she had caused. "I promise," she told him   
quietly. "And I'm sorry." 

"For what?" 

"For everything. For every time I've hurt you. I just... I   
guess I was trying to protect my own heart, I guess." She tried not   
to roll her eyes at the sappy sentimentality of it all. It wasn't   
that she was being sarcastic; she meant what she was saying. But at   
the same time she didn't feel all that comfortable expressing her   
emotions. 

Sam smiled at her. "And I'm sorry too." 

"What are you sorry for?" 

"Well... namely... the picture and the not calling thing... but   
still y'know... I was really the one that was in trouble..." Sam stopped   
when Mallory playfully swatted at his arm. 

"Let's not open that can of worms again, ok?" 

"You got it." With the grin that could make Mallory's heart   
melt, he turned at started walking out. 

"Where do you think you're going, Skipper?" 

"Home. You said I should take a Saturday off." 

"Get back in here," she ordered, but with a smile. 

He turned to give her an angelic look. "I don't get my vacation now?" 

"Do you still want dinner?" 

He nodded emphatically. "I'll be back to pick you up at six." 

"No work, no food." 

"But Mal..." he started whining. 

"I think there's a lab full of test tubes for you to clean." 

"Oh yeah?" Mal nodded. "Well, what are *you* gonna be doing?" 

Mallory looked around the room. "Supervising." 

"Oh no. I'm not slaving over some test tubes while you are sipping   
coffee making sure everyone does their work." 

Mallory walked towards him. Stopping just short of him, she looped   
her fingers in the loops for his buckle on his jeans. "You go start   
like a good boy," she said, her face slowly nearing his. Sam watched   
her expectantly. "And I'll be in just as soon as I get all the rest   
of the teachers settled." With a kiss on the cheek she pulled back   
from him. "Go. Room 204." 

"You're a tease, you know that?" He called to her already retreating   
figure. She just looked at him and blew him a kiss over her   
shoulder, never breaking her stride. 

Sam grinned and turned to go upstairs. He found Room 204 and started   
scrubbing quickly. After all, if he had the test tubes finished   
before she got there, they would just have to think of other things   
to do. Maybe today wasn't going to be all that bad, after all.

  
TBC

  


End file.
